Trusting your instincts

It's August y'all. Can you believe it? 
It's hot in Atlanta. School's not back in cause we're in a pandemic. Every day feels like groundhog day.

So I've been meditating.

Yeah, I don't normally meditate, and I've tried off and on over the years. It's not easy, and I don't always necessarily look forward to it. 🙃

But here's the thing, I started to think of meditating as going inside your mind and taking a look around. See what thoughts comes up, notice them, turn them around for a bit, but ultimately let them float away like a cloud. It's like accepting that we have all these conversations going on all at once and meditating is where someone walks in room and says "shhhhhhh...just be"

It takes practice, and I'm here to tell you IT'S WORKING.
And the reason I know, is that I've started to meditate before painting.

For me, getting into the studio and putting in the time can be challenging, and not just because all the things are going on. It's also about me getting myself in there and working. I'm not gonna lie, there can be a lot of apprehension to JUST DO IT. As in, get my butt down there and get the creative mojo going. 

Except there's this. Much of the time I worry and think I'm a hack.

what if I get in there and don't know what to paint?
what if I'm not feeling inspired and just end up staring into space? 
what if I look at what I painted yesterday and conclude that it sucks?

This thinking happens a lot, and it can be super self-sabotaging and does not one person any good. But with meditating, I think it's helping. As in, I get myself into the studio, sit myself down for a quiet moment to settle my mind. And lately, I've began to repeat this mantra "trust your instincts" 

Because if I don't trust my own, how will I be able to create the authentic work I'm striving for?